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Guilt that I’d put him through the turmoil, but frustration over the responsibility of dealing with another person’s emotions at a time when I felt so drained.On an impulse, I dialed him right then and broke things off.“I don’t think I’m a good person to date right now,” I said, which is, of course, really just the coward’s way of saying you’re not interested in seeing someone again. When I woke up the next morning, I hadn’t exactly changed my mind, but I felt that there was still something between us worth exploring, or at least talking about.So I texted him to propose the third date he had been trying to schedule when I dumped him. And so we found ourselves sitting on his living room floor, with chicken thighs, wine, and later homemade chocolate chip cookies, discussing the possibility of continuing to see each other but ending our texting relationship.On our third date, he proposed something unexpected. ” We were sitting on the floor of his living room on one of the first warm nights of spring, plates of grilled chicken thighs, Greek salad, buttery pita, and garlicky tzatziki balanced in our laps. Recently, I’d noticed a pattern in my dating habits. If we needed something in between from one another — even if that was just to say hello—we would call.I sipped my wine, and was, perhaps, slightly buzzed. I’d meet someone, and next thing I knew, we were texting more frequently than I text my best friends. We would keep texting to logistics, like if one of us was running late, or if we needed the other to pick something up a key ingredient, like limes for the gin and tonics or American cheese for the burgers, on the way over.The difference, of course, is that texting your best friends is a fun diversion, whereas texting someone you’re interested in can feel exhilarating but also exhausting. But the good-morning-how-was-your-day-goodnight banter — and the incessant distraction that came with it — all of that was off the table.
How fast or how slow you respond says something to the other person. With texting off the table, I found I could live my own life much more easily.
Maybe, we thought, ruling text messages out altogether would be a weird way to do that.
In the past, dating someone new would leave me drained and weirdly sad.
You’re better off getting fewer phone numbers from women you’re having high-quality interactions with than playing the numbers game. So before we jump in, let’s keep this in mind: At the end of a night out, you’d rather go home with one exciting phone number than a phone filled with numbers you’d never go on dates with.
Making that mental shift is the foundation of selecting women intelligently, and eventually crafting texts that will get her off of your phone and on a date with you.It wasn’t that I was unsure of the guy’s feelings; it happened with people who I knew really liked me.